you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
