I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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