You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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