I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
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I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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