I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
