I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
