I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
