The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
