There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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