just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
