new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
