Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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