i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My dick has a subreddit
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
