she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
