Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
