thus making me awesome and them whores
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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