My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He did a backflip because drugs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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