how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
