i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i dont even know how to be here
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
