so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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