Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
