hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
