playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
