I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Randomize
