I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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