what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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