I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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