he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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