If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
