The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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