I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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