Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
