I can tuck mytits in my pants
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
