census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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