you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
