How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
