My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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