I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
