Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
