Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
