YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
