she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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