remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
