he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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