He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
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finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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