I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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