So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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