R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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