my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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