I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
