Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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