I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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