Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
