i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
