I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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