She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Acid is not a monday night drug
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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