we're chasing vodka with high fives
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
