I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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