I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
