Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
