The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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