also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
