I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
