You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the day after is always just damage control
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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