I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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