If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
