hotel room ftw
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
