I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize